How I actually cook dinner:
When I actually meet her…
Burlesque dancer Zorita (1950)
L.A. at Last
Let go of something negative. This could be apologizing, even if you still think you’re right, forgiving someone/yourself for something, forgetting about something that you really can’t change, stop punishing yourself for a past mistake, etc.
Dear ALL of my asshole ex-boyfriends,
i forgive you. i forgive you of all the hurt you’ve given me in the past. And I am saying this in all seriousness. I’ve been contemplating my life and i realized how much you assholes have held me back, even after all these years. I have not allowed anyone to love me the way that I DESERVE to be loved because I’ve been afraid that someone will hurt me just like all of you have done. well it’s over now. You guys will no longer hold me back in me loving and being loved. I am letting go of you, letting go of my past with you, and letting go of all the hurtful things you have done and said to me. no longer will your words that hit me like a bullet hurt me. I WILL let my wounds heal, no matter how how ugly my scars will be. Wounds heals and scars fade away over time. I know someone out there will love me the way that i should be loved.
and i will let him love me.
and the next time you see me, i swear i will no longer have a single sense of grudge or hate towards you. i will look at you and smile and be kind to you, even though you weren’t kind to me.
and i’m sorry that you never appreciated me for who i am. i swear you idiots have missed out on a LOT.
i’m sorry for the abuse that i’ve given you in the past. i promise that i will not abuse you anymore.
and i PROMISE that i won’t let anyone abuse you anymore.
lets learn how to love. break down that fortress around your heart and let someone in. lets learn how to be a damsel in distress when needed. lets learn how to be taken care of instead of taking care of others constantly.
Learn something new. Something that takes time and practice, that will make you feel accomplished, even if you don’t think you’re the best at it. Why did you choose to learn it? Do you think it’ll be challenging? How long do you think it should take to get good at it?
I’m going to learn how to love, not only others, but myself.
Indulge yourself with something you enjoy. Something positive that makes you feel good, and that’s still good for you. Have some chocolate, take a hot bubble bath, spend time with friends, read, dress up nice even if you don’t have somewhere to go, etc. How do you feel after doing it? Is it something you wish you can do every day? What’s stopping you?
CARBS! i have been indulging. bread, rice, noodles, potatos. man, do i miss you carbs!
Smile. Find reasons to, and if you can’t, make them. Make other people smile. Practice smiling in the mirror. Does it affect your mood at all? Does making other people smile make you feel good?
when i think about it. there’s more than enough reasons to smile
day 1. your facebook profile photo
day 2. a photo of yourself a year ago
day 3. a photo that makes you happy
day 4. a photo of the last place you went on holiday
day 5. a photo of you
day 6. a photo that makes you smile
day 7. a photo of someone you love
day 8. a photo of your favourite band/musician
day 9. a photo of your family
day 10. a photo of you as a baby
day 11. a photo of your favourite film(s)
day 12. a photo of you
day 13. a photo of your best friend(s)
day 14. a photo of one of your favourite family members
day 15. a photo of you and someone you love
day 16. a photo of you at the last party you went to
day 17. a drunk photo of you day
18. a photo of one of your classes
day 19. a photo of you on a school trip
day 20. a photo of something you enjoy doing
day 21. a photo of you standing up
day 22. a photo of your town
day 23. a photo of your friend as a baby
day 24. a photo of you that your hair looks nice in
day 25. a photo of a night you loved
day 26. a photo of your favorite weekend
day 27. a photo of last summer
day 28. a photo of what you ate today
day 29. a photo of someone you find attractive
day 30. a photo of you when you were happy.
…i used to admire you. i would be excited just even the THOUGHT of knowing that I’ll see you….the THOUGHT of you made me feel jumpy and happy, and I’d smile like crazy. Once a person saw me smiling when i was thinking of you. she asked me, “why are you so happy?” and i told her it was because i just was.
The happiness I once had in you made me feel the content that I haven’t had in a while.
and you’re just my friend.
but then after a while…you stopped being a good friend. you became selfish and wouldn’t help me when I needed you most. maybe it’s because you really don’t know my life story…and I swear I wanted to tell it to you…but now…I feel like it would be pointless at this point.
i no longer have that stupid school girl crush on you.
actually now, it’s hard for me to feel happy to even see you. I get the feeling of dread. I miss how close our friendship once was…and I know you miss it too. I know I’m partly at fault too. Maybe if you knew my past, you would have been different to me. You might have been more understanding.
I can’t even stand you as a friend now.
Even though I still want to be friends with you…you aren’t a good friend to me any more. I can’t even stand the thought of you any more.
I’m going to cut myself away from you.
A part of me hopes that you’ll see and realize it before I do…but I know that you are too selfish and self centered to know what’s going on.
I also know that I’ll be getting comments from other people. They’ll ask why we don’t hang out any more…and the sad thing is…you won’t ever come to me and try to figure it out.
I’m tired of being nice to you. I don’t want to be nice to you any longer because you just take advantage of it.
But before anything bad happens, I want you to know that even though i feel like this about you now, you need to know this:
I. STILL. CARE. FOR. YOU.